Self-promises Kept and Broken

I realized today, that our very own Hafsa Grocery… you know... Vivek’s building :-) … needs to have a make-over. My Babe Plan will never succeed if every time I enter the grocery, I see Kinder Bueno and Ferror Roche waiting for me. Calling out to me to save them form rotting in the shop and help them fulfill their lives destiny by being eaten (more like gobble) up by the one and only Queen of Hamster the Nice land (HINT: Me)

I go there for getting my breakfast occasionally, and I always come out buying chocolate at 7:30 in the freaking morning. *guilty look*. Oh! That and them Cheese Croissants… that I swore never to have after I graduated from university, after four years of buying the same freaking thing from the Mini-Mart.

Steering off the topic of food…. I have kept one of my self-promises… that is never to wear a white scarf after graduating from high school. Three years of wearing a white scarf got me all fed up… I would prefer to wear a blue scarf… I wub blue. I haven’t told this to any one so Shhhhsssh!

back from HELL: Spread the Blue

Men are Jealous

Apparently people have a problem with my table being so clean. I don’t know why? It is MY table. I sit at it. I clean it up. I guess it is because the men at 402 are jealous. For two reasons:
1- Because I am bleck (yes, that is my retort to everything)
2- Because of their innate inability to keep things clean.
3- Because I am a feminist and all guys suck anyways ( yes I know, I said 2 reasons… this is the third hidden reason)

A conversation regarding my table took place the other day:

Dudes at 402: Why is your desk so clean, always?
Me: *dumbfounded* *hiding the ass-wipe that I was using to clean my desk* Ummm, .. becausI clear it up at the end of the day.
Dudes at 402: You should have more papers scattered on your desk, it makes it look as though you have work.
Me: *thinking to my self… OMG! Am I actually hearing this?*

The next day onward I started spreading all my scrap paper around my table. Most of the files and papers that contribute to the work done on the project don’t belong to me. It is supposed to be for this other dude whose table is swamped with piles of A3 sheets at least 3 feet high. Since my table is …. spacious… it is dumped on it. None the less, I acted very ethically and used his stuff and spread it differently, every day, all over my table.

Yesterday, I couldn’t take the mess any more so I started clearing up my table. When I was leaving for the day, I hear this as a response for my “Bye”… “Your table is clean again”

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Regarding the dude who has 3 feet high A3 sheets… I think he is possessed.

While doing is his work, he speaks to himself. Now, I used to find that funny and amusing until I caught myself doing the same. Moreover, one day, before the revelation of my Talking While Working Syndrome, I was at my mom’s work place. I was with her for almost 2 hours and I noticed that she would do the same. Talk to her self, even when she had clients at her desk.

Me: Ma, you should stop doing that
Mom: What?
Me: Talking to yourself while you are working… I make fun of people like you.

Little did I know, two weeks from that day, I would end up laughing at my self. Wait, I normally laugh at myself, but … you know what I am saying right?

Whenever you talk to the dude with the 3 foot stack of papers, you end up in a very awkward position. While/ after, you speak to him, he closes his eyes and moves his eyeballs… very freaky. Then once you are done with whatever you have to say… and God forbid, if it is a question, you have to sit and think whether he is in the REM stage of his sweet slumber or whether he mimicking The Exorcist just to freak the living crap out of you.

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About two weeks ago I stared watching Hindi movies. I watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I think I have never cried so much before in my life! I watched it two times over the weekend and in both times, I found myself reaching for the nearest tissue box. The first time I saw it, I was watching the movie with my sister. Both of us pretended to be tough and emotionless… but I could hear her sob. Then at night, when every one was snoring around, I sit and watch it for the second time only to cry with my mouth wide open. A very senti film.

I then watched this movie called Saathyia. A tune of song, in that movie, doesn’t seem to leave my tiny brain. Anyhow, I cried in that movie too, but I didn’t quite bawl.

On other news, I have been making my Gal Pal (Ali) and my Poodle (Shiraz) mail me every day :) I had an email chat today with my Poodle, himself. I wub him :) *hug*

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The Environmental Group have gone to Crystal Plaza to practice on an induction presentation that needs to be given to employees of PIL. There was a glitch-up with the presentation file so I was called to transfer the file to the server, so that they could access it from Crystal Plaza

*Phone rings*

Me: [Thinking that it is one of my bored friends] Haaallooo
Lady: Tayseer, we need a favor from you… I am Blah Blah.
Me: [Embaressed] Oh… hi Blah Blah…
Lady: We are at Crystal Plaza and we need you to transfer a file from So-n-so’s PC.
Me: oh okie… let me go to her work place.
Lady: The files are in My Documents…

*Monitor is blank*
*Moving the mouse to out do the screen saver*
*Monitor is blank*
*Green light on the monitor is blinking*

Me: Umm… Did she shut down her PC?

{Now, I am not sure about what was actually said, but I understood it as follows}

Lady: [Talks to So-n-so ] One option could be to turn on the PC.
Me: You think? One option? You mean Only option.
Lady: [laughs] I think we are running out of options.

back from HELL: Spread the Blue

Early Morning Bored

It is 7:40 in the morning and I think to my self… (as impossible as it may seem, I can think… not very constructively though, but nonetheless… I think)… what the $!&@ am I doing so early in the morning. The blokes who do my time sheet must think that I am a very diligent Petro-employee. I hope I get a big fat bonus at the end of the year; I will use that to go to some famous beauty centre and get my dark circles expunged from my over-seemingly pale face.

Yeah, so I started my diet two weeks ago. This is some of the food that I have had for breakfast and lunch:
- fruit salad
- veg salad
- croissants
- Falafel
- So many Subway sandwiches (damn u delivery people!!!)
- Chips (Salad flavor)
- Noodles...(fried noodles)
- 3 Ferror Roche Chocolates ( I had this today for my breakfast. I don’t know how it got into my shopping bag *innocent look*. I got a cheese croissant… it is untouched… anyone wants it? :P)

I haven’t mentioned what I have had for dinner, mainly because I don’t remember. I go home and gobble any edible thing that I set my eyes on. My mom has started calling me a vulture… she says that I will eat her out of house and home. So not true!

On other news, The Room of Eternal Stench… isn’t so ‘stenchy’ after all. Thanks to my brilliance, I have managed to reduce the smell from a combination of stinky feet smell + rotten egg smell + damn smell, to moderately damn smell + open drain smell. Surprisingly, my air freshener hasn’t finished yet… 

So far there have been 3 new recruits in the department. Looking at some of them, I think to my self… I am not all that weird after all. (FYI: Chand blatantly called me weird within the first week of me coming to Petro. More info later)
Anyhow, one lady, who sits 8 feet from me, calls me up on the phone every time she need to ask a question… which can be as simple as where is the bathroom.
This other dude, walks so stiff that I am beginning to think he has no joints in his body. Besides, he looks like a serial killer.
The other dude, I don’t know… he isn’t in my room… but he thinks I am deaf.

About Chand… this is the story like this…

The story so far: Chand, Preeti/ Kavita, and yours truly are at her table. I am cracking some joke and as usual it is about some daft act that I did.

Me: Blah blah blah blah…
Every one else: hahahaha
Me: and then… blah blah blah blah
Chand: *stares at me*… You are weird.

Well… I know I am demented, but then again… Chand said this because I am bleck. Racists.

back from HELL: Spread the Blue

Big Mouth Hamster the Queen

I have a big mouth. I find it hard to keep my trap shut. I have this innate ability of putting both feet in my mouth and talking at the same time! Wow… I multitask! Wait… I am deviating from the topic… any how… I need to learn to smile and not say anything…instead if the usual smile and immediate ‘Blah Blah Blah ’ that seems to flow out of my foot filled mouth.

The story so far: I have been assisting my Manager, Graham, for the past week, with the development of the Monthly HSE Report, which has to be shown to the CEOs of the Company. For this, I need input from numerous concurrent projects that Petrofac is in. Mails have been sent to the respective parties, and their inputs have been asked.

Venue: Early in the morning… in the elevator: Nora, Graham, and yours truly.

Me: “Hey, Good Morning”
Big Boss: *smiles* So where have you reached with the report?
Me: I still need input from most of the projects. For now I have taken the data for the missing inputs from last months report. When do you need this by?
Big Boss: Today.
Me: Shit. ( I don’t know where I said this in my head or if I blabed this out)
Big Boss: Don’t worry, we will get it.

*Elevator door opens. My time to get out.*
*while I leave the elevator*

Big Boss: Don’t worry, we will get it.
Me: *turning around an walking out*… I am not worried, YOU should be.

*elevator door closes*

Anyhow… in addition to telling my Boss that he should be worried about his job… I have gone about doing other stuff that makes me want to kill myself. I think I am going to adopt a silent method. I am not going to talk, unless spoken to… to the point sort of thing… (Hamster the Voice in Head: Yeah right! Good luck with that!)

As of recently, I have begun to feel very lonely… been low at work… don’t have the energy to do the usual stuff that I do (making a complete jack-ass off my self, isn’t something I need to try hard at, it comes naturally to me. no effort required). I have begun missing my friends… who have all disappeared. I don’t blame them. It is not like I call them up every weekend to check up on them. I am surrounded by people at work, at home, yet… I find loneliness in between them and me. I miss every one. How things used to be. But I guess we can’t dwell in the past. Some how, I find it hard not to. I know I am sounding senti… but, I guess I need to vent it. Writing is better than talking to my self.

back from HELL: Spread the Blue

The Return of the Queen (i.e. Me)

Right then I think it is time for another one of my blog posts. My Blog seems to be desolated and abandoned by its Queen… (HINT: Me) (Reminder: I am the Queen of Hamster the NiceLand)

Ok, before I move on, let me explain why Hamster is used to describe my area of rein. I wub hamsters. Thus I term every nice, cute and adorable thing as Hamster the something. Allow me to illustrate the Hamster family.

Hamster the First = A very good friend of mine… he looks like an adorable kid, even though he is like 22 or something. Wait, he looked like an adorable kid. Nowadays, he looks like … well… I don’t want to get on his bad side :)

Hamster the Second = It is a stuffed toy, a babe leopard. (Yes, I call a leopard a hamster, and I call a turtle a fish… I am retarded, you can say it.)

Anyhow, the list goes on…

Where was I? Yes, my blog post. I have been shifted to the Room of Eternal Stench. I have placed an air freshener at my table in an attempt of sparing my self from what seems to be a combination of rotten egg and damp sweat. Not much has changed since my shift.
- I still have burping in my room, not so much, but they are still loud. Thankfully, they aren’t forced out as much.
- I still have to see hairy legs. The only difference here is that the socks don’t match and the legs are fatter (why does this sentence seem so weird in my head?).
- I still have to read for 9 hours, which I don’t. Most of my time is spent talking to people :-). I am such a hard working employee :-)
- I do have a guy who talks to himself while he works, this was a bit freaky at the beginning, but I have sort of gotten used to it.

Ever since I have entered this room, I haven’t spared my self from the usual embarrassments that I bring upon my self.
*sigh* seriously, why do I embarrass myself so easily?! I am beginning to think that this God given gift should be utilized for some other reason… ooo may be I am the next generation’s superwoman!!!

Anyhow, this Sunday, Akl and I were to have lunch. I brought a flavored yogurt for lunch. My spoon was in the last drawer of my desk. Lunch time starts at 1 and lasts for an hour. Before lunch, I was at Kaniza’s until like 1:05 or something. Anyhow, so I dash down the stairs and head for my room so that I can take my lunch bag. As soon as I enter the room, I see everyone hogging on Pizza. There were giving this other dude a farewell party. I sneak in, quietly take my lunch and head out. On my way out, I remember I forgot my mobile, so, I sneak back and take my mobile. By that time, my supervisor sees me and says:
Supervisor: ‘Tahseer, come join us.’
Me: *embarrassed* “Umm, no Sir, it is alright. Thanks.”
Supervisor: “Oh come one, Fasting is over.”
Me: *speaking with confidence and in a loud voice* “Aaa the fasting has stopped but the diet begins!”
*every one stops eating and looks up and the lady with the big mouth (HINT: ME)*
Me: *thoroughly embarrassed * *walks out of the room, wanting to shoot myself in the head*

My office room is extremely small… and very quiet since every bloke here is too busy to talk. I, being the insane fumbles that I am, have lived up to my name and have done the most stupid things ever in just two weeks. So far I have managed to:
- Dropping my fone receiver while holding it in my hand
- Dropped books from my table
- Kicked over the dustbin of the guy who sits in front of me. (I wore those pointy toed shoes that day. And I wiggle my feet a lot to keep me awake)
- Finished nearly most of my tissue box, from cleaning my table.
- Unplugged the network cable of the guy who sits in front of me.
- Memorized the back of his head. He has a bald spot.
- Clean my drawers and table at least twice, if not more
- Laugh uncontrollably in a quiet room… imagine how noise I am!
- Get Chewing gum stuck on my skirt (this happened today… very disgusting)
- Bang the bathroom door on my face (I don’t know what I was thinking)
- Forget how to open a door


Right then, I need to get back to pretending to work, in the words of Preeti… Toodle!


back from HELL: Spread the Blue