Big Mouth Hamster the Queen

I have a big mouth. I find it hard to keep my trap shut. I have this innate ability of putting both feet in my mouth and talking at the same time! Wow… I multitask! Wait… I am deviating from the topic… any how… I need to learn to smile and not say anything…instead if the usual smile and immediate ‘Blah Blah Blah ’ that seems to flow out of my foot filled mouth.

The story so far: I have been assisting my Manager, Graham, for the past week, with the development of the Monthly HSE Report, which has to be shown to the CEOs of the Company. For this, I need input from numerous concurrent projects that Petrofac is in. Mails have been sent to the respective parties, and their inputs have been asked.

Venue: Early in the morning… in the elevator: Nora, Graham, and yours truly.

Me: “Hey, Good Morning”
Big Boss: *smiles* So where have you reached with the report?
Me: I still need input from most of the projects. For now I have taken the data for the missing inputs from last months report. When do you need this by?
Big Boss: Today.
Me: Shit. ( I don’t know where I said this in my head or if I blabed this out)
Big Boss: Don’t worry, we will get it.

*Elevator door opens. My time to get out.*
*while I leave the elevator*

Big Boss: Don’t worry, we will get it.
Me: *turning around an walking out*… I am not worried, YOU should be.

*elevator door closes*

Anyhow… in addition to telling my Boss that he should be worried about his job… I have gone about doing other stuff that makes me want to kill myself. I think I am going to adopt a silent method. I am not going to talk, unless spoken to… to the point sort of thing… (Hamster the Voice in Head: Yeah right! Good luck with that!)

As of recently, I have begun to feel very lonely… been low at work… don’t have the energy to do the usual stuff that I do (making a complete jack-ass off my self, isn’t something I need to try hard at, it comes naturally to me. no effort required). I have begun missing my friends… who have all disappeared. I don’t blame them. It is not like I call them up every weekend to check up on them. I am surrounded by people at work, at home, yet… I find loneliness in between them and me. I miss every one. How things used to be. But I guess we can’t dwell in the past. Some how, I find it hard not to. I know I am sounding senti… but, I guess I need to vent it. Writing is better than talking to my self.

back from HELL: Spread the Blue