Hate Me

Song of the moment:

Hate Me by Blue October.

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a person feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so freaking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you


back from HELL: Spread the Blue

A day at the Hospital

I think I must be the most ridiculous person ever to be born on this planet. I had to go for a medical check up yesterday. It is a requirement for employment in the firm I am about to join. Any how I had to get up early in the morning and not eat until they take my blood and violate my personal rights as a decent human being. I did not attend natures call, how I normally do early in the morning, as I knew that I would be forced to call nature my self when I would be in the hospital.

I had an 8:00 am appointment. I reached the hospital 15 minutes early. Yet I was still made to wait for one hour… don’t ask me why. The nurse called me in and checked my temperature
Nurse: ‘why do you have a fever?’
Me: ‘No’
Nurse: ‘Then why do you have a slight temperature?’
Hamster the Voice in Head (HVH): ‘Gee… I don’t know may be because I have 3 layers of cloth over my head and it happens to be SUMMER! ’
Me: ‘I guess I am nervous, that’s all.’

Then there was this other nurse, who ended up being my assigned chaperone, she looked at me in a very suspiciously as soon as she laid her eyes on me! It made me edgy and I tried to remember if I had washed my face in the morning.

Chaperone nurse: ‘how old are you’
Me: *confused look* ‘Umm… twenty’
Chaperone nurse: ‘really!… ’ *looks at record*
HVH: ‘No, not really, I just wanted to wake up bright and early on what are the few holidays I have, so that I could give you folks some target practice with them gigantic injections. And lets not forget the physical exam, I love having total strangers frisk me. Do I look like that big of a fool?! (Don’t answer that!).

Then after another half hour of waiting, I was lead into a doctor’s room. She was real nice and sweet. However, the fact that a 40+ woman wearing a Looney Toones T-shit at work got me thinking whether she was here to ‘find her self’ as opposed to helping other with their physical aliments. For a doctor she asked a shit load of questions, I mean if I was going to do her work for her then what was she doing in the room.
Doctor: ‘So are you single’
Me: *smile* ‘Yes, of course, can’t you tell by the big smile :-)’
Doctor: *laugh out loud* ‘La (no) InshalAllah, you will laugh alaatool (every time)’

Anyway, three hours later I was still prevented from answering to the call of nature, now that was not only unnatural it was downright inhuman. For peat’s sake these people where trying to make sure I was as fit as a fiddle, but in the process these morons were causing irreversible kidney damage.

Right now… the stories about yesterday can go on and on and on and on and on and on… but there is no use reliving the trauma again. Man the thought of yesterday’s ordeal makes me want to pee.

back from HELL: Spread the Blue

Deeper Than The Obvious

I was cleaning up Hamster the Thirs (my laptop), and I came across this poem that I wrote a couple of months ago. The title is tentative. I am open to any suggestions.

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Deeper Than the Obvious

A smile: from the heart
The face: bright
The voice: lively
The rhythm: pacing

Events, memories, the present sets in

A smile: continues
The brightness: escaped
The liveliness: dead
The rhythm: lost

Do we keep it in?
Do we let it out?
We Fear
Ridicule, Opinions, Lack of understanding
So we smile
Ignoring events, memories, the present

We smile deceit.

- Tassy Ali

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back from HELL: Spread the Blue

21 Things to Remember

1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.

2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.

3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.

4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.

5. Success stops when you do.

6. When your ship comes in.... Make sure you are willing to unload it.

7. You will never have it all together.

8. Life is a journey...not a destination. Enjoy the trip!

9. The biggest lie on the planet When I get what I want I will be happy.

10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.

11. I've learned that ultimately , 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.

12. Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.

13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.

14. We often fear the thing we want the most.

15. He or she who laughs......lasts.

16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

17. Look for opportunities...not guarantees.

18. Life is what's coming....not what was.

19. Success is getting up one more time.

20. Now is the most interesting time of all.

21. When things go wrong.....don't go with them.

back from HELL: Spread the Blue

Gender Mishap

Ok… so apparently my company thinks I am a guy. They sent me this employment contract thingee and they referred to me as “Mr. Taseer Ali” Why is it that my name is always mis-spelt?! Do I even look like a guy?

So, my aunt is still at my place… she doesn’t lock the door when she is in the wash room… now, I am a traumatized little girl.

Yesterday, I went to uni. I met up with Rana and Mr. Behrooz. Now, this man was pretty much the sole reason for the workings of my design project. Since my D.P. advisor was busy with administration work. Every time any of my colleagues were stuck on something… his name was the first that popped in our head. He is really cool.
Anyhow… Rana and I met up with him… Time passed really quickly. Hopefully we shall meet again.

Happy Belated Birthday U.B. :-)

back from HELL: Spread the Blue

May the Lord be with me!

Ok, I think I officially hate driving. This Friday, my dad took me driving in my mom’s Pathfinder, so that I can get used to the big fat car. I think the amount of screaming and yelling I got from him surpasses the number of times my driving instructor screamed at me for the two months I went for driving. I hate driving. I thought driving a big car makes you feel safer, oh boy was I wrong! I wanted to pee the whole time that I was in the driving seat. Every time a car drove past me (even a tiny salon), I used to like have my life flash in front of my eyes.

Moreover, I have come to the verdict that I am clumsy. Today, at the parking lot of Etisalat, I managed to bang into a tree. You know, I think the tree jumped in front of me when I was not looking. Also, I managed to step on my foot, and ram into a closed door at home. *sigh* I hope I am not as clumsy in my job.

My Aunt is at home, I think she is testing my patience, *humph*.

May the Lord be with me!

back from HELL: Spread the Blue

Why My Family Belongs in a Mental Asylum

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ok, don’t ask me why I screamed. I just did… my wish… so go tile the sea!

Here are a couple of reasons why my family belongs in a mental asylum.

Reason 1
Dad: ‘Get me Pepsi from the supermarket. Don’t get the closed one, get the open one’

Reason 2
Mom: (speaking to her friend, on the fone, in urdu) ‘oh! Yes I reameber! I completely forgot about that. My brain fell’

Reason 3
Mom: 'yeah, and you know what happened then? There was a stone infront of me and I wanted to fall'

Reason 4
My sister: ‘Be careful when you add more water to the fish tank. Don’t drown the fish ’

Reason 5
They are related to me… what other reason could there be?!

On other news, I got my license :-) *yaaay* And I am two steps from packing my bag and getting out of the Land of the Unemployed … *more yaay*

Also, Bajaj sucks for not replying to my Google messages.

More news, I am now officially bleck. Not that I wasn’t before, but some people always had a problem with me saying that I am bleck since they were blind and thought that I was … not bleck. Hemlyn and I had a conversation the other day and she has named me an honorary member of the Bleck Society. Thus, henceforth, I am bleck. And anyone who denies it shall suffer the wrath of the Queen of Hamster The Nice Land… which is me… *modest look*

Before signing off… me wants to congratulate Nosh on her engagement (6/ Aug/ 2006)… I hope my new brother-in-law knows that he NEEDS to get me chocolate everyday… also, he NEEDS to give me a credit card linked to his account as well as take me shopping when ever I want.

Inalilahi wa inaelehi rajaoon. Mafaz, I hope you and your family are coping up with the loss you have suffered (6/Aug/2006). We all pray for her and your family.

Back from Hell: Spread the Blue